What is the difference between a

A wedding ceremony marks the beginning of a marriage, and is a wonderfully emotional and loving testament to our greatest human ability; to love another person with commitment, compassion, with our barriers down and our spirits soaring high! There are distinct formats that a wedding ceremony can follow and generally fall into 2 categories: personal celebrations of your decision to marry, or administered as a religious sacrament.

A religious ceremony is pretty much self explanatory... it's theologically or biblically based. It's a ceremony that is viewed as being a specifically worded ritual, and is often the choice for couples with religious backgrounds who consider this to be the only proper way to be married "in the eyes of God". There is an assumption that God has a requirement for format or wording, and that this ceremony is administered to the couple as a sacrament or rite... with the ceremony (and priest or minister) containing and embodying authority from God. The clergy or holy person administering the ceremony should be ordained through your religion or specific religious denomination, and your marriage ceremony is considered as being ordained by God in heaven but enacted on earth. You should approach this ceremony with the expectation that you are in compliance with God's laws, as well as the rules of that particular religion or denomination. The imam, minister, rabbi, or church will require that you meet certain requirements in order to be married by them.

I don't offer theology based or denominational type of ceremonies, don't represent any specific religion or denomination, and I don't put you through the process that a congregational minister will. While I have the legal authority to solemnize your vows, the ceremony itself never does the marrying.. your love for each other does! The decision must come from inside you both, and is ordained and enacted within the human heart.

We recognize that there are many views and concepts for God, as either a creator or higher power. Our views are as follows:

We believe and trust in the existence of an energy, whether it be God, a Universal Energy, or a level of higher consciousness. Through this energy, we share a recognition of the ultimate unity of all life, and through that recognition, the preciousness of the earth and the sanctity of every human being on the planet. We believe that we are connected to other conscious beings around us through this Universal Energy, and that it has purpose in our lives. We feel that through this connection, we will find all the resources we need for a better life! We seek to promote spirituality as being mature and compassionate, finding that these beliefs are determined by our own separate journeys in life.

Is this God? Nobody truly knows what God is, and neither do I. The arguments are just as compelling from every side of the equation, so for us, human spirituality is our main focus. I will be happy to include mention of God if that is important to you, and respectfully leave interpretation of the meaning of that word to the listener.

While one of our many wedding ceremony offerings is traditional in nature, it is not denominational or religious in the sense that it utilizes wording or concepts that promote gender inequality, or viewing humanity as shamed and fallen. Dysfunctional lives (and relationships) are often the result of shaming theology, or one that promotes one gender being superior to the other, robbing the relationship of it's most vital element... the genuine intimacy that only exists when both people are equal. We strongly believe that both members in a marriage contribute equally, are of equal worth and value, and that nobody should have authority over the other. At the very core of relationship dysfunction is the issue of someone not getting their needs met EQUALLY! Gender inequality justified through religion also promotes a core issue that is the destroyer of relationships: control!

Control is all about power. In a successful relationship, both people should share power, own themselves, and be responsible for their own happiness, uncritically and as equals. Being married doesn't mean that you own your partner. Show me a person under control, and I'll show you a secretly resentful and unhappy person who is a smiling robot on the outside, and a suffering and sad person within. Think about it.

In contrast, spirituality is a lived experience rather than a set of beliefs, creeds, or rules. We are at our spiritual best when we are living in our own skins and truly engaged with life! And for my part, there are no questions asked that put you on the defensive. You may be divorced or have children in your relationship. Wonderful! (Better you than me... !) I fully expect that the couple may be living together! You love each other. This is reality. You will not be judged or considered to be sinners. In my map of the world, the "sin" word is a shaming word. You should own your choices and they should be none of anyone else's business.

Rather than viewing a person's spirituality as being hampered by any theology that considers you to be a sinner or fallen from the grace of God, we see our spiritual natures as being full of potential! Mainstream theology says that the cup is half empty, even before you are born. It's only through the commitment of "being saved" that you are rescued from the "eternal fires of hell". (That's gotta hurt!)

We see the cup as being full: over-brimming with all the potential that life offers you! Life shrinks or expands, according to one's courage and willingness to embrace the mystery, rather than living in the "know".

Theology defines God in certain fixed terms: a predefined shape that precludes evolution of thought, consciousness, or spiritual growth. If you don't believe me, just ask the Pope!

We see the term God as a placeholder for the ongoing transcendent experiences of our individual lives. And because our transcendent experiences are often unique to each us of us, there can be many wonderful variations for that word!

As we recognize love as a primary force in our lives, we strongly reject having our spiritual natures dampened and defined by the negative energy of shame or characterizations of bloody sacrifice for atonement. Instead, we embrace our curious and evolving humanity; rejoicing in the diversity of life, and having unbounded faith in the power of love to influence and guide our spiritual being.

We offer spiritual wedding ceremonies. For anyone to have a spiritual event occur- to have that "something larger than yourself" experience, all they need is to open themselves and their conscious being. They need to let their boundaries and barriers relax and truly share with others a sense of positive feeling, emotion, and energy. It's a proven fact that if we follow our energy, there is no limit to what we can feel, experience, and do. It's what we humans are wired and built to do, and in our view, the very thing that we seek to experience! Every human being has the right and ability to express their spiritual natures in whatever way they choose, and not to have a ceremony imposed on them that is in conflict with their needs! In a spiritual ceremony, it's a transcendent experience with no denominations, no theological disparities, and it doesn't leave you feeling hollow and impersonal! It's a positive and loving experience that happens at a deep, basic, inner, human, and visceral part of yourself, and this is important!

In your whole entire lifetime, you will only say, hear, and experience this wedding ceremony one time! Think about what I'm saying here. You may renew your vows a hundred times, but only once will you experience this event in quite this way where you commit yourself to another person so completely. As a person who's come to understand the difference between being spiritual and being religious, (and that doesn't mean atheist vs. religious!), the ramifications for sticking with tradition while missing the opportunity to truly feel your wedding right down to your toenails seems such a wasted opportunity!

On one hand you have a ceremony that is external in nature with the ritual doing the work, devoid of the energy that love truly is made of. Or you can have a once in a lifetime experience full of feelings, energy, and emotions...an internal event that will flow through you like a wave on the ocean to touch your very heart. ( And stay in your memory.) I would think that our creator would want us to be...creative!

Of course, I understand the pressures with wedding planning and making everyone happy. ("In my day, we always had weddings in a church by the God-fearing preacher! It wasn't supposed to be fun... that's why there's so much divorce today!") Yep.

Well, I say that if more marriages started out with honesty, genuine spirituality, and a strong sense of marital equality, those vows might mean something! The plague of broken marriages runs at the same percentage numbers for all those folks who had church and religious based wedding ceremonies as well.

In all my years of involvement with weddings, I can say that I feel your pain! But as Dr. Seuss once said, "Those that mind don't matter, and those that matter don't mind!" I'll always be here to help those who desire a wedding ceremony that makes their toes curl! And offer my best wishes to those whose toes refuse to bend! Of course, I also have selfish reasons for wanting your wedding ceremony to be special! I get to feel the same things that you do, and as a love monkey I would be cheating myself as well as the both of you by not doing my best in this regard.

And of course, I understand that there are those who feel differently. For many people, they learned religion like they learned how to ride a bicycle: there is only one way to do it, and that is that! Well, we are all on our own spiritual journeys, and there are many stages along the way. Statistics show that most people publicly consider themselves to be religious, although many of the same people have personal views that discount much of what traditional religions hold to be inviolate. (belief in the supernatural, following their horoscopes and psychic readings, to name a few practices.) While that might leave some of us scratching our heads in confusion, you certainly have a right to believe in whatever pathway that you choose, and I'm always happy to offer referrals to other wedding officiants who offer traditional religious ceremonies...

Did you know that...

Many American are beginning to call themselves spiritual and not religious. We are the most religious country on earth, with 85 to 90% of us believing in some kind of higher power. Around 60% of Americans claim to belong to a church or religious group, as apposed to an estimated 10% in Europe. This figure doesn't necessarily mean that we are avid church goers. Of the numbers who are followers of an organized religion, there are many who attend on average 6 times a year or less, and a far greater number who go on a more regular basis yet don't fully believe in the tenants of their churches, privately incorporating spiritual views that completely contradict the teachings of their professed religion ( following their horoscopes at least once a week or believing in psychics, magic spells, and various superstitions for example). They might be motivated to continue even a marginal religious connection due to family background, concern for social standing, or are simply afraid to make a final break from religion. They may attend for the sake of their children, or because of a spiritual impulse they don't know how to fulfill in any other way.

Studies show that 25 to 32% have no connection with organized religion but still claim to be strongly religious or spiritual on a personal level. Roughly between 8 to 15% consider themselves to be totally non-religious.